my birthday is coming soon.
i already know my birthday wish.

too bad it's a wish and one that i know is impossible to come true.

friday 13ths have always been lucky for me. i think my birthday offsets the bad luck. somehow it doesn't work the same way for other people. there've been 2 friday the 13ths this yr. one in feb and one in aug. i still remember the feb one cos we celebrated v day early on that day. the aug one? i don't know how it'll turn out. cept one thing's clear.

my wish will NEVER come true.

i'm still feeling all fucked up. tried to read the wage theory notes but nothing went in. tried to clean my room but couldn't concerntrate. everything keeps on blurring and merging together in a myriad of colours. i just sit there and stone.

steady. mature. i'm not sure i see it. perhaps it really is for the best. key word is "not sure". should i look harder or just try to run away? i can't see a solution. looking harder will only make things worse.

fuck this.

and you seriously don't want to know how tempted i was to just do something.
to use that as an escape.
i'm just sitting here and knowing that i could have makes me feel worse.
because i really want to sink into obliviation.